Snowflake
by Nightfall Scythe
Summary: "She lost her memories, poor dear." She heard the nurses whisper outside her door. "He didn't seem to take it well. Her family, either." "At least she's alive and together." Bella took a deep breath and sighed. Her pounding head blasted the sound of blood pumping through her ears. She lifted her arm, eyeing the bike marks. 'Who would do such a thing,' she wondered. (After bk1)
1. Primal Fear

She held out her hand to encompass the snow within her palm. To see it start to glitter and shine brightly in many different directions. It reminded her of someone else, but she didn't quite know who. The memories were blurry, were fuzzy, and all she could conjure up were vague images, too broken to remember anything from it. It were as if she were asleep for a very long time and had finally woken up. Her mind worked fast and slow, all the same, but her movements were much more sluggish. It didn't feel like her body, and it didn't feel like her thoughts, especially when he asked her, "Don't you remember me?"

She didn't, and no matter how bad she felt for not being able to remember, she wasn't able to remember. He sat alongside the hospital bed when she first woke up, holding her hand. She tried to yank her hand back from this stranger, but it had sluggishly move across her lap. Her eyes were wide with fear from this beast who looked so much like a human. And for all intents and purposes, he was, and at the same he wasn't. "Primal fear" she thought, but she felt it was more than just that. Why was he here?

His reaction to her was saddened to think that she forgot him, but he also thought it was better that way. He could leave her to her own devices, to her own world, safe and peaceful and away from the monster that was him. But the idea of letting go of her, the love of his life, pained him, very much so. It hurt more, when she had let go of him.


	2. Broken Animal

Charlie, the man who informed her that he was her biological father, took her home from the hospital. Throughout the car ride, she watched the trees pass by with the grey sky over their heads. It was cloudy and uneasy, but as the same time peaceful, seemingly a feeling she was used to experiencing.

Her biological mother had wanted to persuade her to live in Florida with her, but for some reason Bella couldn't agree and she couldn't really find a reason to refute her mother. After putting up some resistance, her mother caved and allowed the issue to fall away. And through all that time, Bella found it troublesome to have her memories forgotten, but to have the feelings remain.

She returned home, her leg in a cast, tired from racking her brain of any lingering memories she might find. The boy that had sat by the hospital bed when she woke up, Edward, had visited her at home. He introduced himself and spoke to her gently, like talking to a broken animal trying to get close. She wouldn't let him, and at the same she couldn't help missing his company when he left.

He told her that they were dating, but she wouldn't listen. It was painful and it brought tears to her eyes that she remembered none of it. He brought up how they met in class, the truck incident, his saving her in Port Angeles, but it had brought nothing to mind. She angrily threw what was on her nightstand at him, and told him to leave, tears streaming down her face. She knew it wasn't his fault for her anger, while she also knew it was because of him she was in this position. She knew, but she didn't know why. He sighed, and left the house. It would be a while before she talked to anyone else.


	3. Arms

Warm arms wrapped around her, keeping her secured, as if he were the only one to hold her. She smiled and laughed when he refused to let her go. Instead, he held her closer, holding her tightly against him. As they both giggled, it seemed that the birds chirped alongside their games. The warm sun shined brightly around them; the crisp, clear blue sky was the epiphany of peace. Despite this perfection, she was unable to catch a glimpse of his face to make sure she knew who he really was.

Closing her eyes, she felt comforted by his presence from some unknown crushing weight inside of her. Something that she knew she carried for a while. As she felt that weight lifted, she also felt another weight weighing her heavy head down, as if to hide his face from her view. Nevertheless, his beauty was shown by the radiance of the atmosphere provided to her by his presence. With this certain beauty, she was sure she knew who this bright, warm man was with the comforting arms.

She reached out to his face which felt so familiar in her reach, and she felt the familiar sensation, this lovely tingle, when her lips lightly grazed his. As she tried to pull him closer, he seemed to stand further away from her, his face still hidden. She ran towards him only to notice that he was nowhere to be found. And with him, the sun disappeared behind dark, thunderous clouds that filled the sky, scaring away the birds. She started to panic as the warm atmosphere was replaced with an ominous darkness.

Behind her, in a sweet, ringing voice, the words were whispered in her ears. "What if I'm not the hero; what if I'm the bad guy?"

She held a hand up to her mouth as she echoed his voice. Feeling empty inside, feeling constricted by the enclosing darkness, she started to cry out for help, but only an empty name left her mouth. As she struggled to escape, she felt tossed around.

Opening her eyes, she realized she was nowhere near those depressing clouds. She awoke with her father at the side of her bed.

He sighed and smiled at her. "You were having a nightmare," he spoke.

"I was?"

"Yes, and you were screaming your head off."

She reached up to her neck and did confirm that her throat was sore. She realized that her whole body felt sore, as if she had been fighting the bed sheets. She unwrapped herself from her sheets, and stood up to face herself in the mirror.

"Are you alright?" Charlie questioned her, "Because if you're not I can stay home and take care of you. We could take today as a father-daughter bonding day." He tried to smile for her, but it faulted. Inside, she commended him for trying hard for her. She shook her head.

"I'm alright; it was nothing…" and she trailed off, as if only whispering those words to console herself.

Charlie didn't seemed convinced, but he let the issue go. He offered to make some breakfast foods for her before he set off for work. She agreed, and he left her room. Facing her own image of disheveled hair and sweaty skin, she took a quick morning shower. Afterwards, she smiled and tried to shake herself from this empty feeling inside. That feeling was the only thing that survived the awoken nightmare to haunt her. The comforting warmth from caring arms and images of perfect bright, clear skies were long forgotten.


	4. Pity an Old Man's Heart

"Bella, don't you think it's time to return attending school. Go get some teen life inside you." Charlie forced a smile. "The doctor said it would be a good thing to do; your leg has healed, and it might help you regain some of the things you've forgotten."

She sighed, and thought over his proposal.

He mirrored her depressed look, "I'm worried about you. Every day, I see you isolated from the rest of the world. You need some blood pumping through those veins. Go see some of your friends."

"What friends?" she whispered. He questioned her, and she repeated, "What friends do I have? I don't remember them. I have nothing."

"Pity an old man's heart." She saw her father clearly for the first time after her return. He stood with his shoulders hunched as if he carried invisible weight. His eyes drooped with a melancholy look, and stress filled his pained expression.

She gave in.

"Alright, I'll go tomorrow."

He smiled with a slightly less stressful demeanor, and pulled her into an embrace. She forced a smile in response, her eyebrows tense with reluctance. She tried her best to hide it.

:O:

As she steadily drove to school, she couldn't shake the feeling that someone was watching her, from behind and from the sidelines. She swore shadows moved behind the thick trees of the forests that surrounded her. When she mentioned her paranoia to Charlie earlier, he told her she was looking too deep into things. He also suggested possible bears. Despite his conviction, she knew it was something else. It was on the tip of her tongue.

She shook her head, running a hand through her hair, getting rid of her feelings of uneasiness. She parked her truck in the parking lot, and decided to plunge head on into that (teen) society that had moved on without her.

She quickly walked into the school building, her eyes glued to the ground in attempt to avoid the eyes of the passing students. When she received her schedule at the office, she found that some of faces and rooms she passed were familiar. A slight nostalgia filmed her eyes.

On her journey to one of her classrooms, a boy with pale blond hair and blue eyes stopped her.

"Bella, you've returned. Where have you been?"

She struggled to remember his name, but found none that matched his face. "I had a bad fall, so to speak, and it resulted in some problems."

"I hope you get better, Bella. Be very, very careful; you were a klutz from day one, after all." She nodded as she noted his presence was familiar as well, just as familiar as how he carried himself.

"Mike," a bright, cheery girl matched her happy voice. "We have to head the other way," she pointed out as she bounded towards him. "Hi, Bella," she greeted her before they both left. Unfortunately, Bella failed to remember either of their names.

:O:

She took a seat at a table in the corner of the cafeteria and closed her eyes. The smell of bland foods filled the room as the chatter of students grew louder. She found that if she relaxed and closed her eyes, letting the world move around her, things started to feel… remembered. But the feeling similarity and comfort would fall away when she opened them, leaving her susceptible to wounds.

She scanned the cafeteria and its students, an empty table on the other side having caught her attention. She wandered over there, feeling that it was a more mental warm area.

"Are you broken up about him? It was a pretty abrupt move, after all, unless you guys were trying to make some long-distance thing work." The same happy girl stood next to her.

"Broken up over who? Someone moved?" Bella asked in all honestly.

"That's the spirit. Forget all about him." She smiled.

"Oh," Bella realized, "Would it be Edward?" Her mind flashing back to boy who had stayed with her in the hospital, and who also visited when she was discharged from the hospital but wouldn't allow him to talk.

"Who else it be? Okay, well, I'm gonna go eat." She turned to leave, "See you later."

As she walked away, a name left Bella's mouth, 'Jessica.'

"Hmm?" Jessica turned around, but Bella smiled and waved it away like a mistake.


	5. Leaning Right over the Edge

"What happens if I don't want to remember everything?"

"Is there something wrong?"

"It's just… I don't know." She didn't quite know how to describe what she felt, keeping the description little as possible as to not scare her mother. In reality, she felt that something bad had happened. The feelings of isolation wash over her, like she was the only to face whatever problem haunted her with an evil aura, whenever she would struggle for a glimpse of her last few recent years. Other times, she felt cornered, scared and frightened like an abused pup.

"Perhaps you're only remembering, or feeling, part of an incident. Good and bad balance out, you know. In any case, I am very proud of the memories you were able to recover. Don't stress yourself out. If you feel like that, you don't have to remember them at all."

"It still bothers me, though…"

"What does, hon?"

"That, the stuff that I can't remember. I can feel my brain turning, working till I'm dead tired, and not achieving anything. The memories are there, just leaning right over the edge, and almost everything triggers a bit of déjà vu. They're tugging at my mind, whether or not I'm trying. If I could just get myself to remember, I wouldn't have to feel like my mind and heart is littered around town.

"I hate this. I have a bad feeling when I try to remember, and at the same time I feel that if I don't remember I will lose something important to me." Bella sighed, "But I just can't tell what. So I can't just give up; I'm anxious."

"Sweetheart, don't tire yourself out. The memories will come back to you when they do. You've been working very hard. Slow down and enjoy what you have now."

Bella ran a hand through her hair and sighed, "Alright."

"Okay, sweetie, I don't want to bother you too much on a school night. Talk to you later.

And remember to relax."

"Bye." Bella set her phone down on her nightstand.

After her source of human contact left her, Bella felt the shadows began to extend out to her. She backed up away from their outstretched hands, and pressed against her room wall with a blanket wrapped around her, her eyes wide and panicky. The room was covered in a red liquid, again, and Charlie wouldn't return for a couple of hours. She hid under her blanket, hoping he would come home early, and shut her eyes as hard as she could, unsteadily humming to herself.


	6. Nice to Meet You, Again

She never really felt comfortable around big groups of people. She never fit in, never shared their points-of-views. She argued whether this difference was her fault for not falling in line, for not complying with social standards.

Her mother told her she needn't do such a thing, to change herself for the sake of others. 'Who are they to you?' her mother asked her.

'They are my friends,' she replied, and she saw her mother's faltered smile.

'Bella, friends do not judge their friends, and friends do not say to their friends that they aren't good enough to hang out with them.'

'Mommy, but they did, they said that to me. I'm not lying!' A frown crossed her face.

'I'm not saying that they lied to you, sweetheart. I'm saying that maybe they aren't your friends if they're mean like that.'

'But they are my friends. We hang out together, and we talk together, and we all have friendship bracelets together.'

'All right,' her mother resigned, wanting to keep that innocence of hers untarnished, 'but be careful.'

She cocked her head to the side, sensing that her mother was holding her tongue about something, but dismissed it when she was told to get ready for bed.

She grew up, slowly realizing that friends, true friends were hard to come by, the ones that kept their word, that were loyal, one that she could speak to and not worry about them not wanting to listen to what she has to say. What she had at home was not something she would sacrifice herself to keep. So when her mother had remarried a little more than a decade later, she had no problems moving to Forks to spend some time with her father. She wasn't quite losing anything…

So when her father had suggested that she hang out with her friends, she thought 'I have none.'

"I know you're worried about leaving the house, but it would be good to take… a walk, take a trip outside," Charlie told her with a face of concern.

"I do go outside; I go to school," Bella countered. She sat at her desk, writing in her journal of all the hallucinations that have warped her mind. Fully dated, and detailed, all for personal usage.

He leaned on the door frame, and sighed. "I just can't take it seeing you confined to your room. There's only so many times someone can ask another to take a trip outside the house for their own health and benefit."

"Don't worry about me," Bella turned to face him, "truly."

Charlie ran a hand over face, massaging the frown lines on his forehead. "Alright, just take care of yourself. I'm going to head to work," he spoke as he turned to leave, but paused and turned back to Bella to embrace her in a hug.

"I love you, kiddo," he whispered, and took off.

He wasn't lying. Ever since that week, he hadn't asked to her leave the house to take a walk or speak to friends or give her tasks of grocery shopping. He allowed her to her own devices.

That's when she thought it was time to see what the outside world looked like.

It was that moment when she thought that the world was beautiful, was quiet and peaceful enough for her thoughts to rush completely through her head and free her from worry. She closed her eyes, standing on her front lawn, and allowed the rain to fall on her clothes, her hair, her face, and she smiled.

She felt liberated, free to breathe and feel as she wanted.

Free from the chains that held her, the walls that confined her.

And it all crashed down upon her.

Something in her made her doubt she was free from her future.

"Bella, you're going to get sick," a voice called out to her. She opened her eyes to see a boy standing in front of her, with only a t-shirt and jeans and holding an umbrella.

His smile was carefree and inviting, and something about it made her feel warm and protected.

She was afraid to ask for his name, in that his feelings would get hurt and he would never smile at her again. She stood staring, and he chuckled.

"It's alright," he spoke, "I know about your… uh…"

"My lack of memory?" to which he nodded.

"How are you?" He asked, slowly approaching her.

"I'm doing better, thanks." Her attention fell to her shoes, unsure of what to say, but not before a name fought its way out of her lips.

He smiled, "Yeah, my name's Jacob Black. Nice to meet you, again, Bella."


End file.
